A Source by any other Name

During the two high school classes which I felt defined my growth as a writer the most, AP Language and AP Literature, my two teachers stressed the same ideas which were presented in this chapter. For our junior year research project, we had to do specific papers before we even started forming paragraphs which just evaluated our sources. We would have to list the credentials of the author, what makes them a valid source of information, what other works they have produced, whether they have a bias within the work, and some other points which I seem to have blocked out in favor of forgetting. I was taught to look to the .edu's and .org's over a .com and this has been a key tip which I have utilized henceforth and was glad to see the appearance of it in the chapter. I wouldn't call myself a completely versatile researcher. I tend to rely on the same type of sources as I have on past topics and call it good. I am a scanner, I try to extract the most relevant information with as little effort as possible; see a seemingly good quote and into the essay pool it goes without much second thought. I do try to use the most credible sources I can, should I face the wrath of Mrs. Wright's mighty red pen, but it is so hard to comprehend and dumb down a very specified field-related source, such as an academic journal or scholarly book, which although they are considered to be the most reliable, which is why I think most students tend to avoid using them. 

 In high school we had access to multiple district-provided databases which were much more helpful in finding specific topic related documents and sources. And now that I'm in college I no longer have access to those same databases, so if anyone coughcoughwinkwink has any independent databases they use and would be willing to share information it would be greatly appreciated. I don't know if BSU offers a school database with specific functions, probably a question for someone in the library. The loss of databases which were once readily available and are no longer is a great disadvantage to students who had to rely on them previously. 

Writing to be Read

One way we've distinguished between a research essay and a conventional research paper is motive: In an essay, we want to find out, and in a paper, we aim to prove something.  (We'll talk soon about connecting the two).  But there's another difference as well.  We want to write something that will be interesting to read.

I'm not sure anyone ever required that a research paper be boring.  Why would they?  But in the formulaic versions of researched writing the writer (and reader's) attention is more focused on conventions:  Is the thesis in the introduction?  Are the citations correct?  Are there topic sentences in every paragraph?  The inevitable result is that very little attention is paid writing an essay that is engaging, that has interesting things to say.

There are two kinds of reading--extractive and sustained.  Extractive reading is the kind we do on the internet, dipping into and out of articles, web pages, Facebook posts. To some extent, that's the kind of reading we do when we research. Extractive reading doesn't have to be interesting.  It just has to be useful  We experience sustained reading when we are being led somewhere and we want to follow.  Why?  We sense we're in the hands of a narrator who knows what she's doing.  We recognize that the topic overlaps--or might--with our own experience of the world; it's relevant somehow to the way we think or see. We also sense from the beginning that the narrator is making a promise about what follows that he will keep. An essay about the cult of perfection in beauty pageants doesn't drift away to a meditation on bad breath in dogs.  Sustained reading often also features elements of narrative: narrator, anecdote, character, scene, change over time.

You are attempting to write a researched essay that invites a sustained reading.  Don't let this intimidate you.  As readers who have some experience with sustained reading, you know what it takes to keep you interested.

Pages 51-67 Blog Response

Although I have learned about how to research "well" many times before, I never truly took the advice. I always thought I knew best and that Google was good enough. And for many things it was good enough. According to the reader I would probably be "a lazy researcher". But since the information I was able to find on Google was always enough for my papers, I never felt the need to look farther. But the text gives very concrete and straight forward steps about how to find good sources. I could honestly see myself using these steps while researching because, unlike when I was taught before, these steps break it down for me. Also I was always taught that certain kinds of sources are better than others but the pyramid on page 60 was a very creative and informative way to truly show the best sources. I was taught that "peer reviewed" was always a good thing, but I never knew the actual meaning of this. I am glad that I now know what it means, and now it makes sense why I was told to use peer reviewed articles. Lastly, I knew about Boolean search words such as AND NOT and OR, but I was unaware of the other "Google Tips and Tricks". I always thought I was a pretty good researcher because I was able to find a lot of sources in a short amount of time and then earn a good grade on the assignment, but all of these small tricks will be so helpful for researching. They will also lead to more reliable sources. Although I can see myself actually referring back to this chapter during my research, the tables are very concise and helpful so I will definitely refer back to these.

Finding Good Sources For Research

After reading the chapter on what it takes to find good research I feel like I have been researching wrong my whole life. I usually go onto google, find a couple of sources that fit with my topic, and quote a couple of good ideas from the sources. I guess this could be called a "lazy researcher." However, I have always tried to find credible sources. I don't easily trust the author or the website. I like to make sure that the information I am using is reliable and not "fake." When I start doing more research for my project I will look for more peer-reviewed articles instead of just credible articles I find on the internet. I am wondering if I should focus more of my research at the library or on my laptop. I believe both places can be a wonderful place to find tons of research for my topic. I should probably use both places when I do my research and decide which sources are the best, and not care too much about where they came from. The third "place" to gather research is from a person by interview or survey. I can use my past observations as a research tool but I guess that relates more to known knowledge. I will try to work on finding a person as a source for research.

'Planning for the Dive' and 'Research Routines'

While these two works are well-written with a lot of good advice, I do have a few disagreements.

First, I do not feel that it is necessary to seek out the library. It can often be tedious, difficult to navigate, not have what you are looking for, etc. In the age of technology, most books are in electronic form. It is, of course, important to seek out books but this can be done online I feel. You save a lot of time, and occasionally, money. It streamlines the process to make it simpler and easier to navigate. And doing it online allows for a wider variety of books because you have access to almost every book ever written.

Second, I am not a fan of the phrase 'quality source'. I feel that just about every source is a quality source, with limited exceptions including things like timecube or 4chan. Every source is someone's perspective and to say that perspective is not 'quality' seems to reflect very exclusive behavior. I would argue, instead, that some sources give more general knowledge while others give more specialized knowledge.

Third, I am not entirely sure that advertisements always reflect a commercial bias. In fact, the example in the book itself does not indicate that. I feel that sending that message closes off a lot of resources to students when, oftentimes, the advertisements have nothing at all to do with the content.

The Militarization of the Police

My research proposal focuses on the militarization of the police. This topic is a key issue to study because it is a relatively new idea, and it also demonstrates how the influence of the military industrial complex now reaches beyond foreign policy alone. Although most people don't know much about the issue, certain interest groups have recently invested enormous levels of research into trying to understand how America arrived where it is today.
After the initial piece of legislation first began militarization, the process has grown at an exponential rate. Essentially, as it stands, when the military decides that their equipment is no longer necessary, they contract to sell this off to police departments across the country. I'm not sure what use police have for 14,000 bayonets, nor mine resistant armored vehicles for that matter. That is the reason I am studying this issue, is to find out why.

Intelligence

I've been contemplating intelligence quite a lot lately. I spent the weekend at a debate tournament and I was surrounded by people who are amazingly intelligent. The kind of people who sit around and read Nietzsche or Foucault just for the kicks. And I noticed that the people who are that intelligent are never boastful about it, in fact, it is those who cannot keep up with them that claim to know everything.

I've spent a lot of time contemplating this phenomenon and I still am unable to understand how it evolves. But, while trying to spell it out, I was thinking about English and Dr. Ballenger. He talks often about his intelligence and I am beginning to feel that he is incredibly intelligent. But, he is very quiet about it. Further, I think he has a very unique intelligence. The kind that is quiet and contemplative but culminates in a creative, concise answer.

Research Proposal

       I am really excited to start researching my topic and learning more about it. I only have a small preconceived idea about my topic. This new type of research project for me is different but refreshing. I have always known everything I am going to write about before I even do any extensive research. I am glad we are able to pick any topic that interests us. This will make the project more interesting and make it seem less like an assignment and more like researching for fun. My topic about the Colorado River water level decrease holds a lot of interest for me. If the water keeps disappearing it would have a huge impact not only on my life in California but all of the rest of the South Western States. I want to know why this is happening and if there is anyway we can turn back time for the river. This is one of my favorite assignments so far in this class because we aren't just doing the project for the grade. This project is to satisfy our curiosity and help us learn more about a topic. When I was picking a topic I had a lot of ideas to choose from. I think I ended up choosing this topic because I miss my California home and the vacations my family and I would take in Arizona on the Colorado River. This projects helps me feel a little less homesick!

Finding a Niche

     As I've been thinking about potential research paper topics and exploring my curiosity, I've made observations about how I fit in to different academic communities and schools of thought.
     What initially sparked these realizations was the activity we did in class on Monday, where we were asked to organize data in any way we saw fit, then asked to organize it into groups that could be used to tell a narrative or story. I noticed that the tree structure I used to organize the data in the first half of the activity - which organized the data into different categories from general to specific - was not used by many of the other students. This surprised me, because this method of organization felt so natural to me. Though I imagined my structure as a series of folders, like I organize files on my computer, I didn't feel that this organizational style came from my computer science background. In the second half of the activity, I found that this method of organization is not very conducive to constructing a narrative or coherent story from data.
     To be completely honest, days in class like this often make we wonder where exactly my academic niche is. Though I enjoy math and the sciences, I don't often socialize well with the people who gravitate towards those majors due to their often reserved personalities. Maybe it's the musician in me, but I often feel that my right brain balances out my inner engineer, leaving me stuck somewhere in between the humanities and the sciences. In a competitive collegiate environment, where your major means everything, this inclination scares me.
     I apologize for venting my concerns on this blog, but I found this interesting, and am wondering if any other students feel the same.

Exercise 2

I honestly wish that more research papers were written like Theories of Intelligence for the simple fact that they are easier to read and actually get something from. I feel like I got a lot more out of it because that not-so-subtle distinction from "dry" writing was present. I'm sure many of you would agree with me when I say that reading a typical research essay is pretty boring. More than that though, I tend to only pick up the pieces of information that stick out, while the rest of the essay would disappear into memory oblivion afterwards. However, after reading Dr. Ballenger's research paper, I felt that I understood the work as a whole.

After thinking about this concept, I was reminded of a memory I have of my high school journalism class. My teacher had written an article for the school newspaper and it was part of my job to look over it. The reason I remember this article more than any in the newspaper wasn't because it was so amazing that I locked it into my memory immediately, quite the opposite in fact. I remember it so distinctly because it shocked me that I didn't like it.

It wasn't that the article was "bad" in any way, actually it was exactly as an article was supposed to be written. What stuck out to me the most was that it lacked her voice. It was written in a way that you'd expect to to see in a journalism textbook. To me, it seemed dull and lifeless and I had to force myself to get through the full article. (Not to say anything bad about her, because she was actually a fantastic and teacher, one of my favorites in fact.)

What my newspaper teacher and so many students don't realize is the importance of making your writing YOUR writing. I wish I had learned this a little earlier, since the first time I even attempted to put any personality into a research paper was for my Senior Project. I'm actually kind of excited to write the research paper for English 112 and take my writing voice that much farther than I have done previously.

Buckle up, this is your life

I am going to begin this blog post by saying “college is hard.” No matter how much we try to deny it, there was some serious hand holding in high school. We were basically given tests beforehand, we were guided through studying, we lived for the test, we learned for the test. Now, is it not true that the students who have been succeeding here are the ones who let go of that hand the fastest? The ones who realized that they are now, essentially, alone?

A perfect example of this occurred before the BIO227 exam that I am sure everyone has heard about. In this class, there were some serious “hand holders” and I have to admit I was one of them. The first day, Shona and I entered this room having just gone to 2 honors classes, one of them being this one. The lecture hall looked huge but we ran to the front of the room and sat down, being the good honors kids we are. Then we were forced to sit through 1 hour and 15 minutes of pure torture. I normally would preach about the phrase “there are no stupid questions,” but it seems I’ve been proven wrong. The professor put up a slide show with a background of the text book we are supposed to get. The next slide was the book that we shouldn’t get. The next one was the book that we shouldn’t get. Then the next was the one we should get. It was so simple it was almost painful. We thought everyone understood but we were so wrong. The rest of the class was filled with students asking “I have my sisters old book, can I use that one even though it’s the wrong book.” No. No you can’t. Let’s go through the slide show again.

In high school, we are handed a book and we don’t have to go look for it or find the best, cheapest way to get it. We are also not given study guides and little quizzes and tips and preparation guides when it comes to college exams. I will admit, I had no idea whatsoever (and I still don’t) know how to be studying for these exams. Then, there was (Insert name of friend here). This girls knows what she’s doing and was always so organized. She could quiz me on anything and excelled her learning to a level where she could have a conversation about it, not just regurgitate meaningless data. We would go to LA sessions and she would blow everyone away and when the day of the test came, it was no shock at all that she was one of the 6 who received 101%.

I had to wonder how she was learning so well and I realized it was because she let go of that hand so early on in her college career. She took initiative in her life and immediately got organized as soon as she could. I bet I am not the only one who wishes she could go to bed at night thinking about the assignment I get to do and without thinking about what I am forgetting. It’s come to the moment where I just need to sit down and let go of high school and realize…this is my life now, it’s time to take control of it.

Reflecting on Exercise 2

When I was in the first grade, I remember taking a spelling test. It was the basic of basic words, and yet, I still managed to innocently spell "of" "uv", my only mistake, and I glanced over at Brittney Martin, a neighborhood friend and resident idea of perfection, who had gotten, surprise, all of them right. And you know what, I still hold a grudge against her. Everyone knows that one person who is literally the best; they're smart, they're good-looking, athletic, never say a bad word about anybody, and you want to hate them, because, hello, they're perfect, but they're so nice that you can't. 

(I'm not sure if this story relates to the rest of the post, but I thought I would share it) 

I sincerely enjoyed reading this essay, I really related to the points of comparison. Whenever I would get an essay back after submission, I would eagerly turn over the stabled papers and scan the rubric and scores. And what I seemed to notice consistently was that I would get high scores in the "Voice" category. I enjoy putting in my own little quips of inquiry and opinion, which is why I think I enjoyed writing the personal essay so much. I was able to put in my own experiences and stories and yet keep my standing as a narrator. Today in class when we discussed ourselves being the narrators of all of our pieces of writing, I went back over my previous works. I realized that I had lost my voice in the various research assignments I've compiled, that I've simply regurgitated facts with half-assed commentary I came up with to satisfy the Writing Center and my teachers to avoid red marks and circles marring my papers. I think my goal for this class and as I explore who I truly am as a writer is to keep the integrity of myself and my voice alive in my papers and essays.  

The Outlier

While reading Theories of Intelligence, I found myself relating to a lot of issues Dr. Ballenger discussed, mainly the feeling of thinking you're not as smart as you think you are.

I've always had a pretty good sense of where I stand on the totem pole, as it were. I've always known that while I'm smarter than some, I'm certainly not smarter than many others. I got good grades during high school because I did my homework, studied, and got along well with the teacher, but there was never a moment when I realized, Wow, I really understand this, and I feel smart. 

It came as a shock to me in my sophomore Honors European History Class (which prepared us for the AP exam) when I asked my teacher: If I consistently get half right on the multiple choice, and maybe get a middling grade on the FRQs and the DBQs, do you think that'll be enough to pass?

He answered, "Sure."

Now, I didn't end up passing the exam, but at the moment, the realization that I may be smart enough for this exam was overwhelming and exciting. The only place where I have ever felt intelligent, maybe even smarter than my peers, my closest friends, the Valedictorian and the Salutatorian who are now attending Princeton and Brown, respectively, is when I talk about something I'm passionate about, specifically music. So the realization that I may just be smart enough for something was a revelation, even if it didn't come to fruition.

I believe that a lot of people in this class have grown up as Hailie explained in her blog post, Exercise 2, going through Gifted programs because everything else is at too slow a pace for them. Even though this hasn't been my particular experience because I've never been deemed part of the "smart kids" crowd, I'm excited to be a part of a group that did grow up this way.

As my mom always says, "Better to be the least intelligent person in a room full of intelligent people, than the most intelligent person in a room full of less-intelligent people. At least you'll learn."

Exercise 2

I feel that it is very valuable for all of us, as honors students, to read this essay. I predict, probably fairly accurately, that most of us did not grow up the way Dr. Ballenger did. For myself, and I would think many if not all of you, I was told from a very young age that I was special. I was put in the ‘gifted and talented’ program because I was struggled to maintain focus at the slow pace my elementary classes all seemed to have. I continued to participate in these classes all throughout middle school because the state deemed it important. When I got to high school I took every single AP class I possible could even when it made my life incredible difficult. And I spent my entire life with people telling me that I am so much more intelligent that my peers.

I think that what a lot of us are now experiencing, myself included, is that we were big fish in a little pond. In college, that it not the case. I think we have all had to learn to cope that we are surrounded by people who are just as intelligent as we are, if not more so. And it certainly has been interesting to see the various reactions to this situation.

"The Curious Researcher" Exercise 2

This form of research paper is my favorite to read, because it's interesting to see what the person writing it feels. If they have an opinion on the subject I really love hearing it because I could look up this information myself if I just wanted the dry facts, it's quite a different thing to hear what the author thinks about the facts.

In most academic research applications there is just dry retelling of the facts and Theories of Intelligence definitely does not do this.  However, it does have great elements of a research paper. It has facts that was gotten from different sources and these sources were sited.

In general I believe the professor determines the conventions of a research paper. I believe most times if a student submitted a paper like Theories of Intelligence the professor wouldn't be impressed even though it is a paper that has very thoughtfully intertwined fact with personal experiences in such a way that the reader doesn't even think that they are reading a research paper. Yes the professor matters. If the student doesn't write the type of paper the professor whats the student won't get the grade that he/she wants. Finally there are genres because different forms of writing typically require different information or different choice of words to make the writer's voice have the correct formality or informality depending on what's being written.

Winsome

Theories of Intelligence is like no research paper I’ve ever read.  But I enjoyed it far more than a research paper.  I like the term “research essay” for this written work more.  But before reading about the origin of the word “essay” and the approach Montaigne took I probably would have labeled this piece “memoir”, “reflection” or “opinion”, although those descriptions don’t quite fit either.  This essay is part fact, part story, part reflection, part research in such a way the essay as a whole is much more winsome than the thesis papers I had to write in high school.  It employs authoritative research with reliable sources and citations like any good research paper but it also employs personal story, which in my academic past was always met with a resounding, “NO.”   But the honesty and openness, the willingness to discuss hurtful experiences, makes this paper relatable.  And mixing factual research with stories that invite a “What? I’m not the only one?” response makes it inspirational and encouraging. 

I would guess the people who determine the conventions of the college research paper genre are the professors themselves.  However, students have a formula of research, impersonal paragraphs, and specific structure grilled into them from grade school.  So maybe the conventions of this genre are dictated more by habit now but I like the idea of mixing it up and this research essay seems much more exciting.   

Personal Essays to Research Essays

This past week I have been consumed with the personal essay I drafted this week. As I read the other essays and looked back at my own, I definitely sensed the confusion I had written under and came to the sudden realization that I did not understand the assignment. Not like the other people did anyway.
My draft ended up being a complete ramble on an idea that I couldn't focus on, couldn't quite put my finger on. And when I read "Theories of Intelligence" and read the kind of research essay we will hopefully write, I got that same feeling that I felt while writing my personal essay.

"Theories of Intelligence" seems just like a personal essay. Basically, nothing like the research papers I have been writing for the past six or seven years. The rigid structure and mask of hard facts that I have come to appreciate and excel in were completely gone. I really didn't even feel that there was a question being answered. However, the paper was on a topic that was completely fascinating to him, and that made the essay worth reading.

In all honesty, the concept of a research essay confuses me. If there is no structure for me to follow, no real guidelines for me to keep in place, how could this essay really be a research essay? Why are we taught so differently throughout school? I suppose that I find it rather silly that I would go through 6-7 years of 'essay writing' before coming to college to realize that what I have done for a long time is not what I need to do.

There are some pretty brilliant things about writing a 'research essay' vs. a 'research paper'. The way that Dr. Ballenger was able to tie in his own experiences with the research almost made the paper more compelling. I found myself less engrossed in the research and much more curious about how he would relate the research to his own life. I feel like this style made the essay much more enjoyable to read and really got me to think about the topic afterward. It made me think about my own intelligence and how I view it and the intelligence of other people.

This new 'style' (I guess that is the best word I have for it) of research writing looks incredibly challenging, especially to someone like me who thrives on structure and hard evidence. I excelled in research papers in high school and could turn in a well-enough narrative or personal essay. I never liked that type of writing though. It meant that I had to share my opinion or thought with others, that I could be judged for what I thought. Presenting facts was much easier; the research was literally a mask to hide behind. Maybe it made me feel smarter, because I will readily admit that the personal essay and this upcoming research paper are certainly not making me feel very intelligent at the moment.

Exercise 2: Page 11

In my previous education, I was always taught that research papers should primarily be fact based, and that I should only add my opinion or commentary in appropiate places. It should sound very professional.  Earlier on I was taught that research papers should always be in a three or five paragraph format. This way I could state my thesis in the introduction paragraph and then support it in the body, and then re-state my thesis in the final paragraph. Teachers always told me to only get information from reliable resources and the information should be as up to date as possible. I was also taught to never hide behind big words, that I should be able to explain the topics, not just use a big word in its place, and to always imagine I was writing to an audience that knew nothing about the topic. This way I would ensure that I would fully explain every topic.
From the very narrow definition of "research paper" that I was taught prior to this year, this paper would not fall under the category. But through this essay, a topic was researched and presented. It just contains more commentary than most research papers. Since the first person was used and there is much more personal commentary, it feels must more personable and because of this, and I felt like I could relate to the presented topic much more easily. Although Professor Ballenger  could have simply wrote a paper on, "Feeling Dumb", he decided to put himself into the paper and because of this, it made me think of my personal experiences while I read the paper. This also keep the paper from being dry and boring, as research papers are many times. Instead of feeling like I was reading a research paper, I felt that I was reading a personal story that I was able to relate to. In addition to being able to relate to the paper, I was also able to learn something new. Which is not always clearly stated my the teacher, but should be the main purpose of a research paper.

Exercise Two

After reading Theories of Intelligence I looked back to my notes from the beginning of the exercise and realized that almost everything I wrote completely contrasts what was actually in the passage. I was always taught that you do NOT put any pronouns in a research paper and that the audience does not care how you feel about the subject; they only want to see the research. In this research paper, the author has a strong presence guiding the reader. It does make me wonder who exactly decided that pronouns cannot be used in a research paper? As long as I can remember, a teacher always told me the rules and I never questioned them. Only now, when I am forced to think about it, do I realize that it seems a little absurd. Theories of Intelligence is certainly a research paper but it has pronouns! As the reader, I liked the use of them. It seems more relatable (not that I am a 52 year old man in a midlife crisis) and that the author and reader connect on a certain level. There is research in the paper but there is also the author's commentary and personal experiences intertwined. I think many people can relate to the Miss Teen USA story in taking pleasure in watching other's downfalls because it isn't us up there. No one likes to fail.

Theories of Intelligence is an academic research paper but not one in the strictest of forms. It does not follow what one would see in an academic journal typically. It almost seems opinionated, but that;s what research papers are. This just doesn't try and hide the personal experiences and opinions surrounding the topic. It says them outright.

Excersise Two

     When I normally think about an academic research paper I believe it should sound formal, informative, and knowledgeable. All of the research papers I have ever written have started with a focus on what you are going to "learn" in your research, even though you already know what you are going to write about. Then the rest of the essay uses research to support your claim. The paper usually uses credible information from the internet that only supports your thesis, not challenges it. Almost any topic is appropriate for academic research as long as it interests you. The writer's voice shouldn't be very prevalent in the paper. Facts should definitely outweigh your opinion.
     The research paper in "Curious Researcher" is different than any I have ever written. The research paper is about a topic that the writer is interested in. However, it differs from what I am used to seeing in a research paper because the writer is the main focus in the paper and he is telling a story about his life. We usually just write our papers the way our teachers have told us is the "right way". I think we need to get out of the old idea of a paper that we are stuck in and learn to be more open about our "rules" of writing.

Theories of Intelligence, a research essay?

This is a personal essay, or so I thought. Theories of Intelligence had many aspects of a personal essay. It was an exploration of an internal conflict or question. “This isn't a research paper” I thought. So, I read it again and worked my way through my criteria that I had established for a research essay in exercise 2. This changed my perspective because much of the essay, in fact, matched my criteria. However, what really made me realize that this was a research essay, were two features that I didn't recognize the first time.

The book asks “how should it [the essay] use information, and what kinds of information?” I noted that credible sources needed to be used and personal stories were ok as long as they weren't the main evidence. In other words, personal stories are good for transitions, examples, evaluating evidence and connect with the reader. The first time I read the essay I had assumed the personal stories were the main objective of the essay. However, the second time I read it I realized they were mostly used as anecdotes or as a way to connect to the subject. Instead, many credible seeming journals and articles were used to present ideas and theories. The life experience in turn worked with these sources to make them understandable and relate-able. When I realized that the essay met this part of my criteria it pretty much set my mind that this was actually a research essay.

The second critical criteria I mentioned earlier actually changed as a result of this essay. The book asked “What presence should the writer have?” I said enough to engage the reader but not as much as, let’s say, a personal essay. Before I read Theories of Intelligence, I don’t think I fully comprehended that a research essay could be that personal. I didn't realize the writer could be so interwoven into a type of writing which I had always considered much more formal.

Finally the book asked us “what determines conventions of a genre like the college research paper?” I responded that the audience determines the formality, the presence or the structure of any paper. However, I’m not actually quite sure. Yes, the audience effects the paper, but I’m not sure what, if anything at all, provides basic rules for a research paper. Maybe that’s exactly it, there are no established guidelines for essays, but honestly I don’t know.

Re-Thinking My Perceptions

     As I read "Rethinking the Research Paper" in The Curious Researcher, I found myself wishing I had an example of a research essay to read so that I could understand exactly what type of writing our textbook is talking about.
     Until now, I had always thought of a research paper as a dry, formal piece of academic writing that seeks to prove or disprove a certain point. It usually focuses heavily on using other research projects as sources to prove its point, and usually, the answer can only be one of two possibilities.
     I had also never thought of a research paper as being a place where personal examples could be used as evidence or as part of an argument, and definitely not a place where first person language could be used. I was quite surprised to find out that we would be writing a research essay, not a research report, and that we would be doing all of the things I thought should never happen in a research paper.
     Dr. Ballenger's Theories of Intelligence is a type of research paper, not a research report, but a research essay. He shares his perceptions about intelligence and self acceptance through personal experiences while backing his examples with quotes, anecdotes, and studies from other sources.
     I was blown away by the fact that one could write an impressive research paper based on self-exploration. I had never thought that such writing could be called "research". Theories of Intelligence is in fact a research paper because it draws on the author's experience as well as that of others to explore a topic or question. What makes it an essay rather than a report is the prominence of the author's voice and the element of exploration - the thesis doesn't come until the end of the paper!
   Theories of Intelligence certainly provided the example I was hoping for, I wonder, though, what will happen if I use the same strategies in my paper not for self-exploration, but for exploration of the outside world?

Become a narrator....

One of the things you learn early on in literary study is point of view.  Stories are narrated from some perspective--a character, an omniscient author, and so on.  This week, in personal essays, you narrated your own stories, and this was a natural thing to do.  You intuitively know that's what any storytelling demands.  But I'd like you to consider that nearly all writing--including expository and argumentative writing, and even the most formal academic prose--is narrated, too.  There is almost always some "mediator, teller, or guide" who we follow as readers, something we sense even in the absence of the first person.  It is this narrator who leads us to see that certain questions are more important than others, this evidence is more convincing that that evidence, and this idea is the one that matters most.

The writing that sustains our interest as readers is writing in which we sense we are being led by someone.  A narrator.

One of the things I hope you take away from this writing assignment and carry to others is this idea that not only does your opinion matter but your role as a "mediator, teller, or guide" matters just as much.  Have confidence in your ability to lead readers into a subject. Become the narrator of everything you write.

That Tickly Feeling

I never expected to be one of those people who has that story. That hardship that seems to be written on what they wear everyday, who they are, and how they go about their daily life.

I'm not saying that I've been through a hardship that intense, but I wrote my personal essay on what I deemed The Year of Hell.

[The Year of Hell: noun. The sophomore year of one Madeleine Booth when her wonderful choir teacher was replaced with a teacher who was not qualified to teach any kind of musical ensemble. After deciding to teach the choir, Madeleine endured a year of blatant bullying and humiliation from a teacher who couldn't teach and was angry with the fact that a 15 year old was doing a better job of it than he ever could. It was during this year that Madeleine realized that she was good at teaching music and that was what she wanted to do with her life.]

I've told this story countless times, and each time everyone is really astounded with what I had to deal with and how I got through it. I don't get pitied. People look at me with surprise and awe at the fact that I was able to deal with that level of bullying for a year and come out of it triumphant.

Whenever I tell this story, I end it triumphantly. I endured an entire year of this teacher who made me cry on more than one occasion. And not only endured, but came out of it with the realization that I was good at teaching music and that was what I wanted to do with my life.

I'm not one of those people who can't talk about their experience because it hurts too much.

But today, when I was reading my essay on whether or not this hardship was worth it, I got that little tickly feeling at the back of your throat warning you that you're about to break down.

Luckily, I was in front of my professor, and I don't think we're at that level where I can cry in front of him, so I swallowed it.

But I haven't had to swallow that experience in a very long time.

A transformation?

I do not like writing narrative essays or anything were I am required to use "I" or even put my own opinion in the paper. I would rather just present the facts to the reader and allow them to form their own opinions. So when we began the discovery narrative project, I choose that I felt pretty comfortable with. This way I could add a few of my own experiences and it could pass as a narrative essay. But as I talked with my group on Wednesday in class, they caught me in my lie. They saw right through what I was trying to. So afterwards, I truly sat down to revise and continue my essay. But this way, I would actually write a true narrative. My group told me to expose my true feelings on the topic, and to not hide behind the facts. I continued with the same general topic, but in a very different direction than what was on my outline. I took some time to take myself to the time, to truly remember how I had felt and what I had actually learned through the experience. And although I am still writing about the same general topic, I now feel much more personally connected to the assignment because I am writing about what I truly felt during the experience. Not just the facts that occurred.

What's Too Personal?

This assignment seemed so easy in the beginning but at this point I have written two unrelated sketches and one, five page essay that has nothing to do with my sketches. Every time I've written on a topic for this essay I've felt it isn't right. When I finished my essay I thought I had done it and it was pretty good. Now I'm starting to doubt if I probed deep enough. With this assignment I've been wondering what is too personal in this "personal essay". I can't stand the thought of writing another five page paper so I think I'm going to keep my paper but I feel like I chose a cheesy topic. I talked about how my boyfriend and I started dating because I think people can relate to the idea. However I feel like I spent the whole paper recounting the story and not so much time reflecting but I think I've covered all I can in my paper. I just feel like my paper isn't going to be as insightful as everyone else's.

Not My Forte

As I am trying to write/revise this narrative I find myself struggling to find anything to say. Well, anything that I could write 5-6 pages on.
I guess I just feel like I am rambling on and on without really making any point or answering the question "so what?".
So, I guess I 'll just keep writing and see where this takes me.

My Mouse

Yay! I figured out how to add a post!     This is not the first time I've written a personal narrative essay. However, the last time I wrote one, four years ago, I did know what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. This time, I am confused. My little mouse sits on my dresser next to a BSU gnome and a BSU penguin. I have a picture of my family, a Hobbit calendar, and Doctor Who posters, and my little yellow mouse. And I don't remember anything about her. When I was packing for college, going through all of my things, she automatically went in the College pile, but I don't know why. I don't remember where she came from: I think my grandma gave her to me, but she doesn't remember it. I don't know why I decided to bring her, and I don't know what she means to me. The only story I have of her is when I packed and unpacked when moving to college. My mom pulled her out of a box and scoffed. I defended my little purposeless mouse. Writing this essay might be a purposeless exercise, simply because there is nothing to find in my mouse, but on the other hand, she could mean something important. It will be fun to figure it out.

Personal Essays

Personal Essay Reflection

First of all, I have a couple quick questions. Primarily, what is due on Monday? Is it the rough draft of the personal essay or the full 5-6 page version? Secondly, what is Dr. Ballenger's email? I can't seem to find it on the website.

This personal essay has been far outside the realm of typical university work. For the most part, in college, we're taught that your opinion doesn't matter. It's quite the change to have someone care what you think. I also find it interesting to find the different directions my colleagues are taking their writing. I used mine as an exploration of self, but many people are using it to talk about an event, particularly their first few weeks of college. Dr. Ballenger obviously has a different view of collegiate English than most professors. In particular, it's clear that he understands the student's perspective of English. Most of us are not English majors, and if we didn't have to be, there is a good chance we wouldn't be in a collegiate English class. As such, he uses the class to teach us more about ourselves and instead of only exploring the technicalities of English, we are instead delving into our personal lives for more answers which ought to make our writing more interesting.

Sketch Part II

Two of my favorite places to experience in a new European town are the cathedral and the café.  It seems no matter how small a village may be it always has some sort of cathedral and most definitely a café.  One such town is Bayeux, France.  My parents and I visited Bayeux three summers ago on a trip to visit the beaches of D-Day.  Bayeux was perfect.  I fell for it hard.  The strong, stone buildings with homemade curtains in the windows, the canal, the cobblestone streets, the B&B operated above the owners’ cider shop and cellar with a baguette, butter and coffee for breakfast.  But my favorite was the cathedral.  Located in the center of town its massive red wooden doors were always open.  Inside it smelled sweet from the candles lit by tourists and pious locals.  These candles were different from the average church candle though.  On every glass candleholder the words “We will remember” and “For peace” were engraved above and below a red flower.  Metaphorical flags like these words popped up everywhere in that region of France reminding you of the single date that defined the beaches of Normandy.  The cathedral itself had a lot of offerings and tokens in honor of the soldiers who fought.  Crucified Jesus hung at the center of the cathedral’s attention with the candles’ smoke and people’s prayers wafting to Him.  And the way His sculpted face angled towards the ground made you think He was remembering them too.

Floored

I just wanted to say that I was incredibly impressed with all the essays I read in class on Wednesday. I was absolutely floored with how amazing (yes, amazing) they all were. Everyone essay was completely different, which is bound to happen since we all have various life experiences and perspectives, but it was still quite nice to have such diverse essays to read. Further, the level of writing was definitely advanced, especially comparative to what I was used to reading in my high school English classes. I am looking forward to reading everyone's work throughout the year. I am sure I will continue to feel engaged in the material and impressed with the writing. Good luck with your narratives everyone.

It now makes sense!

            It finally dawned on me, what it meant to write a paper without knowing an answer or having an idea of at least where the paper was headed. Last year in my English class we attempted to do this. My papers turned out fine, but the whole time I knew exactly what my opinions and arguments were. I had an idea of how my paper would turn out the entire time. But on Tuesday, during our fast writing essays, it made sense. We were told to write about our current or previous infatuations and then reflect on it. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to write and to a certain extent I did. I wrote about how I am infatuated with cycling and exercise. Then I wrote about how infatuations change. However, at some point during the seven minutes I realized that I was really writing about my lifestyle as an infatuation. In short, I had claimed that my identity was made up of my infatuations, which pretty much sent shivers up my spine. I’m not sure if this made me so uncomfortable because it implied a changing identity, or the fact that who we are is just based off of current obsessions. Given all of the previous information we had read or heard about the personal essay I pretty quickly knew this had to be my topic. But now the more I reflect on my topic the more I realize that this is exactly what my teacher last year was trying to get us to do. It now makes sense.

I have no idea how or where my personal essay will conclude, but more likely than not it won’t be a concrete answer.  By the end of the essay I will probably be left with more questions about my identity than when I started, as I did with the fast write. I understand (I hope) that this is exactly how our essays should be inspired so I can’t wait to see where my inquiry leads me.

Cheese and Truth

     As I search for the proper direction in which to take my personal essay, I can't help but begin to feel a bit philosophical, nostalgic, and sentimental. Of course, the written product of such sentiments can be a bit cliche or cheesy - but if my senior year of high school taught me anything, it was that cliches are essentially laws of the human experience. The law of gravitation is scientific law because it has been proven through experiment. Likewise, if certain expressions and sentiments continue to arise in certain situations, could we not call these laws as well? Of course, I am talking about the various cliches that we all know and love, and are afraid to write about for fear of being simple, unimaginative, or cheesy.

     Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a propensity for incorporating much more than the percent daily value of cheese into my social relations. Some people avoid them at all costs, but I love the ironic predictability that cliches bring into our interactions with others and the world around us. Like it or not, cliches become cliches because they hold true across time and cultures. Essentially laws of our social existence, they aren't going away any time soon, so why not embrace them instead of avoiding them?

     The last thing that I wanted my personal essay to become was a story of my quest for self in college. We all know the story: college is a time for self discovery. At first, I aimed to blast this old adage to smithereens with my essay. Why should I need to "find myself"? I am me, I am here, I know my thoughts and why I do what I do, what is there to find? But the more late-night conversations I hold with friends who I didn't know two or three weeks ago, the more new people I meet, and the closer I get to my fourth week away from home, the more I realize that college really is a voyage of self discovery! Maybe not "finding yourself" per se, but finding out what you know, what you want to learn, and what you believe. I've begun to write about just what I wanted to avoid writing about - but if it's really me, really what I've been thinking about - why not write about it?

     

     

The Pressure to Feel Smart

As I try to think of a good moment to "explode" for my personal essay, I feel this irrational need to come up with a brilliant moment, one that just goes to show how smart I really am.

Being Honor students, I would guess that most of us have felt this way throughout our academic careers. People just assume that you are smart, and then they expect you to be smart. They expect you to know the answer to everything, to be able to explain anything, and when you can't rise to their expectation you are the one left feeling completely and utterly dumb.

I know that I have felt this pressure a lot throughout high school. I feel that in some ways I was robbed of being able to be confused. There were times where I felt like I should know everything and when I didn't, I felt beyond stupid. It was damaging to my self-esteem, especially during my senior year. If only I could have realized much sooner that confusion is okay. It's okay to not know because if you want to know, then you'll be motivated to learn about it. You won't feel the need to know just to be able to show everyone else up and be the know-it-all that people think you are.

As I write this, a memory is coming to the forefront of my mind.
Well, I suppose I have my moment to "explode" and the story behind my essay now.

Trouble Focusing

The school year just started and the fact that I'm already having a hard time staying on track a lot of the time is worrying. Instead of doing my math I would rather listen to music or watch YouTube. Even though I want to do other things than my homework if I don't at least try to do work on it, even if it's unsuccessfully I feel like I'm failing. Then when I make no progress on a subject that I can't stand in that moment I feel like crap. I don't feel like I'm drowning yet but I'm starting to wonder if I bit off more than I can chew. I'm not going to back down because that's not who I am but I am hoping that I don't push myself too hard just to prove to myself that I can handle all of these classes. 

On a side note I'm working on my personal essay sketch and for the life of me I can't remember how long it has to be! Can someone remind me please?

Personal Essay

I consider myself a 'dabbler' of sorts. I don't specialize in any particular skill or area. If you were to ask a casual acquaintance, you would probably get mixed results as to who I am in response. Oh, she's good at soccer; oh, she's really smart (not to toot my own horn, of course). There isn't really any outstanding, dominant feature about my person to mention.

Thanks to the Honor's retreat, I was able to find a grouping of friends rather quickly, and while I have become attuned to them, I can't help but feel forgotten sometimes. Their personalities are so colorful and vibrant, while mine tends to rest in neutrals. What do they know about me? Next to nothing; you could probably get the same type of mixed responses from my newly found college friends that you could from my high school peers.

But, when I start to feel angsty and mopey, I remember that neutrals are an essential to any wardrobe; you can only dress with so much color before it become ostentatious and you need a bit of khaki or gray to balance it out. I take pride in my personality and I find personality typing rather interesting.

I have come up with a few stimulating ideas for my personal essay, that, although they may not be pertaining to myself directly, they are questions I find interesting. I don't want to say I don't like talking about myself or my experiences with others, I usually rather enjoy it when others take an interest in me, however the chances are few and far between. I am actually looking forward to the personal essay, I just hope my internal critic, who sounds suspiciously like my AP Lang teacher, won't stifle the process too much; seriously, I mean it took me way longer to write this blog post than it really should have.

Personal Essay

And the question of the week is… (drumroll, please)….

 What should I write about for my Personal Essay?

You’d think that because I lived in Europe I’d have many experiences I could talk about. Moving to Europe. Culture shock from moving to Europe. Living in Europe. Various adventures in Europe. Culture shock from moving back to the States.

But they don’t all pose questions that I don’t know the answer to. Most of these stories I can talk about for five pages, but by the end of it, I know what the purpose was. I know the answer to the question, ‘Would I be the same person had I lived in America?’ (Answer: No, I would not.) The only questions I can ask that I don’t know the answer to have to do with my future.

            Ah…. My future.

            Got it.