This past week I have been consumed with the personal essay I drafted this week. As I read the other essays and looked back at my own, I definitely sensed the confusion I had written under and came to the sudden realization that I did not understand the assignment. Not like the other people did anyway.
My draft ended up being a complete ramble on an idea that I couldn't focus on, couldn't quite put my finger on. And when I read "Theories of Intelligence" and read the kind of research essay we will hopefully write, I got that same feeling that I felt while writing my personal essay.
"Theories of Intelligence" seems just like a personal essay. Basically, nothing like the research papers I have been writing for the past six or seven years. The rigid structure and mask of hard facts that I have come to appreciate and excel in were completely gone. I really didn't even feel that there was a question being answered. However, the paper was on a topic that was completely fascinating to him, and that made the essay worth reading.
In all honesty, the concept of a research essay confuses me. If there is no structure for me to follow, no real guidelines for me to keep in place, how could this essay really be a research essay? Why are we taught so differently throughout school? I suppose that I find it rather silly that I would go through 6-7 years of 'essay writing' before coming to college to realize that what I have done for a long time is not what I need to do.
There are some pretty brilliant things about writing a 'research essay' vs. a 'research paper'. The way that Dr. Ballenger was able to tie in his own experiences with the research almost made the paper more compelling. I found myself less engrossed in the research and much more curious about how he would relate the research to his own life. I feel like this style made the essay much more enjoyable to read and really got me to think about the topic afterward. It made me think about my own intelligence and how I view it and the intelligence of other people.
This new 'style' (I guess that is the best word I have for it) of research writing looks incredibly challenging, especially to someone like me who thrives on structure and hard evidence. I excelled in research papers in high school and could turn in a well-enough narrative or personal essay. I never liked that type of writing though. It meant that I had to share my opinion or thought with others, that I could be judged for what I thought. Presenting facts was much easier; the research was literally a mask to hide behind. Maybe it made me feel smarter, because I will readily admit that the personal essay and this upcoming research paper are certainly not making me feel very intelligent at the moment.
Essays made writers more vulnerable, for sure. One of the reasons for the emphasis on formality in much academic writing is the outdated idea that this makes it "objective." Everyone knows that is a fiction, of course. Writing is never objective. and research is never objective, though scientific method helps move the work in that direction. The research essay lifts the curtain on the writer, and this makes some people uncomfortable. But you're always there. You always should be, in anything you write.
ReplyDeleteI really do enjoy the idea of a research essay. I liked the way it engaged me; I just feel that this could be somewhat difficult for me. However, I am looking forward to trying my hand at it.
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